make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
