I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
