hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
