I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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