I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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