I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it glows. i had to have it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
