why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize