how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
