he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
foreskin is a definite game changer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
True strength comes from lack of pants
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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