Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
