It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
