im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
