How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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