We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize