I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize