Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't think brook has ever known best
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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