Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
