"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
