There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
