Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ketchup is God's man juice
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you never un-have a 4some
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
