If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
