yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
where are my eyebrows?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
