the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
