Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Everclear isn't food dammit
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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