when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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