You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
