you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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