plz talk dirty to me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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