i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
