you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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