He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
