tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
