why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
