My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
