he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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