no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
