Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
