Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
