I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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