the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
