ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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