Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
