i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
