just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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