I feel like abortions should bother me more
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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