my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
