My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
