You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
