Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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