woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
