I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
