I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
