dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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