The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
