Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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