I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
