i just sent this text using only my big toe
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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