i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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