you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kissed a someone with a penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
