I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are the jesus of drinking
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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