oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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