I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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